I forgot about my new sensitivity to lactose-laden foods and garnished my spaghetti with ungodly amounts of goat cheese for lunch today. This was right before a two hour meeting I had with a client. During the meeting, my stomach started to form explosive gas bubbles. They proceeded to pop internally, which really just sounded like a muffled fart. Actually, it wasn’t that muffled at all.. the gas was so intense it sounded like I really farted. They weren’t exactly normal fart sounds either. The popping gas sounded like I had food poisoning and an alien baby was about to rip through my stomach and hadouken the person next to me. Fortunately, those in the meeting were mature enough to just ignore my bodily functions and sound effects (at least while they were in the room). If it were me meeting with gassy-version-of-me, I would have started to giggle and point.

*the sounds the alien gas baby was making inside me