everyone thinks you can’t smell a fart on the plane– so false. they smell THE WORST on planes because there is nowhere to go or hide from the hellacious stench of a foul bowel.

imagine sitting in a window seat. the guy in the middle farts, and it smells like his insides are rotting. but the guy in the aisle seat is asleep so you feel bad waking him to escape the fumes. and what’s worse is the middle guy is sleep-farting, so he has no idea death is shooting from his ass and up your nose. this has happened to me at least four times in the past 12 months. no one should have to experience that more than once.. or at all. just thinking about it makes my eyes water.

the most recent episode happened two months ago. i was traveling on a small commuter plane, and the guy behind me farts. not once, not a handful of times, but the entire 2.5 hours of the flight. o… m… g. i try to make it obvious by fanning myself and gagging (also important in informing others that it wasn’t you who farted), but that didn’t stop him. he kept squeezing funk out his bunghole just to spite me. after the plane lands i finally turn around and get a good look at the a-hole. he was a she.. and she was kinda hot. that stinky bitch.