I’ve been having crazy goat poopies the last two weeks. If you’ve seen a goat poop, then you know what I’m talking about.

First, I’ll push out a turd about the size of a chicken nugget. Once that cork is popped, then a ton of pellet sized poopies fall out in goat-poop formation. It’s like an avalanche of poo pebbles falling into the toilet. Some of the bigger ones splash and get my cheeks wet, and then I recoil in disgust. I have no idea why I’m pooping like this. I’ve been drinking plenty of water, and my diet has been very rich in fiber. I should be having soft snake-like turds instead. I’m hoping my goat pooping days are numbered– all the backsplash is making me dread going to the toilet.