I hadn’t pooped in three days, and during those three days I was eating nothing but meat. I finally pooped this morning, and it was a doozy. It also hurt like a motherf@*$er coming out, too. Three big boulders. One for each day I didn’t poop. Each one I strained and pushed out. Each one ripped my bunghole coming out. Each one fell in the toilet like a bomb went off and pee-water splashed my cheeks. It has been seven hours since I pooped, and my a-hole is still reaming.

Happy Valentine’s Day!