i think the title speaks for itself. poop backsplash! ugh!!

usually i can tell if i’m going to drop a cannonball into the toilet. when i feel a big one coming, ill scoot my butt up to the front of the toilet seat so that the slanting part of the bowl will break the fall, and the turd wont splash my cheeks. sometimes it’ll be a big log, but i can tell how long it’ll be so scooting isn’t necessary because the poo touches the water before it detaches itself from my butt (those water snakes are my favorite!). but sometimes my poopsies will play tricksies on me… like the little logs you think will lightly fall into the toilet without incident. those are the ones you don’t expect will shoot forcefully into the water. they come out slowly, but premature pinchage will break it off.. and PLOP! it falls into the water at the wrong angle and your cheeks are all wet as a result. this gives me the heebie jeebies. not only is there turd water in the toilet, but there’s also pee and a slew of other people’s germies (if using a public toilet) all over your bare ass. a good trick to prevent any sort of splashage is to line the bowl’s water with strips of toilet paper, but that doesn’t always work (esp with multiple poops), not to mention it’s a waste of toilet paper. just always be vigilant, and when in doubt, scoot to the front!