My jet lag has had an adverse effect on my L-Carnitine pooping powers. I didn’t have a bowel movement until three days after I came back home, and that first poo was a small, unsatisfactory piece of turd. The subsequent turds over the next couple of days were also small and unnoteworthy. It’s been five days now, and I can feel the unreleased poo that’s still stuck in my intestines. On the menu for tonights dinner: spicy Asian food. I feel the impending mudslide coming out of my arse already. This will be the rapture for my anus.

Poop update: my butt was not raptured tonight. No poo in sight.