I ate kale salad yesterday, and today my poo was green. That’s all I wanted to share. No butthole tears, no ass splatters, just a nice green lumpy log that smiled back at me as I looked down to wipe. When I flushed it goodbye, it disintegrated into a million green poo flakes. At least that’s what I assume happened because I lifted the toilet cover to see green floaties everywhere. I didn’t actually watch my poo being flushed because the toilet lid was closed.. because you know.. no thank you to airborne fecal matter blasting my face. Anyway hooray for pretty green poo. Thank you, kale salad.*

*Consuming high intakes of raw kale or any cruciferous vegetable has been found to cause hypothyroidism. I am not a doctor, so do not take any medical advice from me. I am not even a certified poo expert so maybe don’t take any advice from me. Have a nice day.