I had a really dissatisfying poop the other day. I don’t know how I get these poops, but it’s the kind where the poo balls don’t completely fuse into log form yet, and you end up dropping little poo cannon balls into the toilet. The size of my balls (hehe) were the perfect size, shape and density, and they came out at the perfect speed and angle. I say perfect because every time one fell into the toilet, it would create a splash that shot up and went directly into my butthole. Gaw, just thinking about it gives me the heebie jeebies. And since most of my poos are ginormous, there were plently of poo balls shooting out my butt at full force. At one point I even laid a piece of toilet paper flat on the water’s surface to catch the little shits, but it would sink after one poo bomb. I also tried scooting up to the front of the toilet seat so that my poops would drop down the sloped bowl instead of directly into the water, but the poo balls would shoot out at a different velocity and still splash my delicate orifice. I couldn’t win at this game, so I took the beating and then took a shower.

Butt 0, Poo 10.