I was at a house party tonight when I suddenly, without warning, felt intestinal gurgles. i thought maybe it wasn’t so bad and i could hold it out until after the party, but 10 seconds in, i started sweating, my face was turning red, and i was feeling severe intestinal discomfort. what to do.. the bathroom was next to a group of guys standing around and drinking beer. i couldn’t use that toilet.. i knew something explosively loud was coming out of my ass. so i politely asked the host if i could use the private bathroom. it’s too bad all eyes were on the host when i asked… i basically announced my turd arrival to everyone. thank goodness it was quick and i was back within “pee time.” and doubly thank goodness i used the private bath… my prediction was right — as soon as i sat down my ass exploded something fierce (i had to wipe the toilet seat cover splashings). damn jack in the box sourdough burger. i curse your diarrhea-causing explosion.